15 days home

What an emotional roller of a day!!!!

I was exhausted from sitting up late with ericka watching movies and she was tired and didn’t want to get up.

I did make myself go get on the trampoline for awhile for some jump therapy and get some exercise and then I mowed a small section of the yard.

Then I was supposed to get the wonder pony blackie and go to the barn but I wanted to talk to ericka but I had to translate what I wanted to say. Then I said it and she was crying and I was stressed and tired and me trying to think up things to say and try to show love to this girl that told me not to touch her when I sat down next to her…. So then I cried and she cried and we ended up talking about her bio mom… Then I asked if she wanted to be alone or with me and she said alone so I said that is fine. (We were told day one by the tios that sometimes she needs to just be alone and then after she is fine). So I left her and went to the barn and Luciano and Angelly had awesome rides while Ben and Anna just played.

When I came home, ericka had taped a note to the sticky rice I had on to soak and it was all in English! I couldn’t tell exactly what it meant but I got the feeling of it and it was good!

Then I started to make lunch and a friend stopped by to see us. What a blessing to have a friend over to talk to. We were gonna try to go for a walk after I ate but then ericka had gone to the barn and the little kids were in reposo and actually fell asleep so then We ended up just sitting in the couch and talking. Seriously. What a blessing. It really helped!!! So grateful you could stop by when you did!!!!

After she left I went to the barn to check on ericka and she was just finishing up and we turned the horse out together and then she went to the house and i stayed to talk to my mom.

For a long time my “old” horse that I have had since I was 16 has been living on a different farm and even though I’ve really wanted to visit her more I haven’t been able to do it with the kids but recently she has been moved back to our farm. So for the past couple of emotional days, all I’ve wanted to do is get out there and see her. When I was 16-18 she was my best friend. She always smelled just right to me and I loved to bury my face in her mane whenever I needed something, like a nice good cry. We were a team and she knew how to give me a “hug”. I would wrap my arms around her neck and she would pull her head down in my shoulder and it was a great hug!!! Well college and marriage and kids got in the way and my sweet best friend has been mostly ignored for many years…. I was talking to my mom and she said how we really needed to get ericka hooked on horses bc a teenager needs a horse to hold when all seems terrible in life. Well I just started crying and said yeah a 30 something old needs one too! So after I got my hug from my mommy I went out to the field today and bless my sweet old horse… she still knows how to give me a hug! She is 22 this year and i’ll be devastated when she has to leave me even though I’ve not given her the attention she deserves. Now she has a daughter named Violet and tomorrow I’m gonna start teaching my own daughter how to catch her and brush her and take care of her. And I’ll know that she has the best partner she could have to cry into and lean on when all seems like it is coming down around her! To talk to and to tell all her secrets to without fear that they will ever be spread.

Well after all that I came home to get ready for the first night of VBS and immediately Angelly was struggling because I wouldn’t let her have yogurt and then because I was helping Anna. I handled this a little differently today (talked to her and told her that crying over the yogurt was not going to change my mind, nicely, and that I would be happy to help her too but that all the kids have to share mommy) and she cried but then she got better. I was already really nervous about vbs being too much to soon for them and we start it with a crying fit 😦 but she got better on the way and by the time we got there she was fine. My mom went with us and this was a huge blessing because she took Anna and I was able to devote my time to Angelly and Luciano who were both very nervous! And then our first place we went after the opening of vbs was to eat where Micah’s mom was working and that really helped to relax the kids to see familiar faces!!! Double grandma blessings!!!!! Awesome!!!! Well vbs really went well and after ericka couldn’t stop talking a out who she had talked to and how it went and she said she was very very happy and when I asked her why, and it was because of friends! Thank you to all the kids that have been making her feel at home!

Praying that all the stress and tears and drama over the past few days are well spent and bring us closer as a family. It’s not easy but we love these kids and would not trade this life for any other. God gives us strength and power for all He has asked us to do and all is for His glory!

My thanks go out to all of you that have noticed the tension in mommy and have reached out to help. You have no idea how much each and every one of you has helped. From promises of a mommy chocolate date to just holding me when words are not even needed when you could tell I wasn’t “fine” to messages of encouragement on Facebook and offers of help even if we cannot accept because our kids need us as sole comforter right now. Thank you all! The biggest thing right now is to give us comfort. In order to secure the bonding with us, we have to be the ones to give the comfort to our babies but we need you most right now to give the comfort and understanding to us. Even if it is just to hold us tight in the parking lot while we try not to fall to pieces. Thank you all. You are such a blessing and even if we can’t express it at the time it all really means so much!!!!

And now…. BUENAS NOCHES (really mañana…. I really gotta start getting more sleep…. ) and good night

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